Ridges in the Canyon

Rediscovering yourself after being rendered unrecognizable

The ridges of the Canyon flow in all our old colors. Tangled streamers of red, gold, orange, and pink flow into each other as they settle into the layers of the rock. They look like ribbons rippling in the wind, but their undulations are stoic. They hint at the continual impermanence of nature and how its ways are set in stone we cannot carve.

I knew the rivers ran and the winds eroded, but I did not anticipate how much we would be worn away. The elements left behind grooves too deep for us to transverse. The ruts were too raw from remembering the good times in their absence. We spent no time in the relief of weather passing but channeled all our energy into searching for the parts of us we lost.

As I sit here in this grand place four years after our life stopped, I remember us preparing for the trip of a lifetime. We learned it would be colder than we originally thought, so like the Southerners that we are, we over-prepared. I bought a pair of Carhart coveralls and we laughed as I tried them on. The pant legs extended about a foot past my feet. We decided we would keep each other warm atop the North Rim.

We canceled our journey here at the onset of an illness that sent me over the edge. I spiraled into a dark chasm devoid of sunset colors, a place where there are no adventures. We promised to come here in the spring, even though it wouldn’t be my birthday.

The seasons changed one after another. Circumstances created by the perpetual pattern of inevitable change, stopped me in time as the world moved forward without me. I wouldn’t drink the rain because the only thing that ever quenched me was you. You were my only nourishment. I forwent food and added hunger to my ever growing list of things I needed, but did not obtain. I forgot myself and tried to disappear. No, you cannot carve it. It carves you.

We didn’t invite the wind, rain, and illness to shape us into different people. They carved us against our will. We were formed into individuals who could not move forward together without the parts of us that had been removed.Our rivers diverged, and unlike the land we could not adapt. We braced against the wind and the rain. We could not accept our new amalgamations…

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