Sweet Sanity.

A depression story.

She picked up an expensive coffee at the store. A small reward for having cleaned the house. A luxury she probably couldn’t afford.

At the same time, she could not bear to love joylessly forever just because things were tight.

Things were tight now, and would be deep into the foreseeable future.

She was tired.

How long had she been tired? Since birth, it seemed. Raised by a mother who needed emotional support, so she could never truly be a child. And now, with a child herself. She was unwilling to dump her emotional problems out into the mind of yet another generation.

So there she was, stuck in some kind of limbo. Everyone assumed the silence meant she was fine.

She needed that sweet, delicious, $3 coffee.

It was her only way to scream.

Did she need to scream, though?

What was that deep chasm between falling apart and being happy?

It was nothing physical.

But it was there.

When someone told her to act normal, that chasm came out like a rabid blood scream.

She would not.

She drank her coffee.

It was too sweet.

It contained god-knows-what.

It was probably making her gain weight.

She didn’t care.

It was this or fall into the chasm and die.

It seemed so overly dramatic, but that’s how it was.

Why couldn’t she enjoy her life and be happy, like everyone said?

Why wasn’t it simple?

She did want to enjoy her life. Her kid. Her job.

There was no rational reason why she shouldn’t. Couldn’t.

It was that dark scream, that hole that bled old black molasses blood.

Its fault.

Why didn’t it go away?

Why didn’t calling herself lazy and ungrateful make it go away?

It didn’t work like that.

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